Direct from the pages of Memoirs of a Laboratory Monster: The Doctor Knarf Story.

Chapter 58: The Demonette Carousel or "Get me the hell off this thing!"



The mystifying Laboratory Monster is absolutely convinced that Demons have been casting spells and charms on him relentlessly in their plot to capture the elusive Monster. Hours of long work in his secret Laboratory have kept him from being noticed by the foul creatures. He has created a new magical helmet in an effort to block transmissions from Demon rituals, that he had diligently put together from various items stashed away in his Laboratory. The helmet had worked very well at one point in keeping the mischievous beauties from getting their claws on him. Unfortunately there was a "design flaw" in the work of pure genius. (He forgot to add eye and breathing holes. Basically he just wrapped a roll of tin foil around his head. Please keep this undisclosed information to yourselves though. Thanks.) After trying to hold his breath for four days he decided that he couldn't hold it in any longer and ran strait into a wall and knocked himself out cold. Damn walls!

Our beloved hero woke up several years later and is now ready to return to saving small ducks from their unfortunate fate. (He is still trying to figure out why the ducks keep meowing and scratching at him when he tries to throw them in the local pond though. Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!) Anyways, after this incident he decided that he should go back to the drawing board and try again. After many hours of searching desperately for holes in his eyelids, he came to the conclusion that he should probably find something else to concentrate on. He is now undergoing an extensive search of his Laboratory for gremlins that he is sure were sent by Demons to foil his plans. The Red emergency phone went off and he was told that a poor doomed soul is in desperate need of our hero's talents. The doomed soul was being taken to the moon! A terrible place located in the Royal Land of Trees, filled with strange Demon war chants and rituals. They were planning to serve him tea and create another slave to add to the ever-growing hoard of zombifide-doomed souls. However, the monster knew that this day would come and that he could not stay hidden for too long and the Demons are ready to pounce on him at the earliest opportunity. They kidnapped the poor doomed soul in a desperate attempt to capture the Laboratory Monster, he is sure. The mild mannered Dr. Knarf leaped into action and sailed swiftly down the pole. (Or he just fell down several flights of stairs and landed on his dumb ass. It happens to the best of us or so I'm told.)

Later after a few random pit stops to play with the funny blue water, he received another call from the kidnappers and listened to their demands. He could not be sure of what he had heard; there were a lot of screams and some kind of Demon language. He hung up quickly to avoid any enchantments from the Demon language. The situation was even more desperate than he could have imagined. Our hero peddled as fast as he could and parked his tricycle. Being there rather early he waited dreading the things that would surely come. The kidnappers arrived and our hero tried to disguise himself as a pole or large shrub. He fallowed them into the putrid dwelling, sure that he went unnoticed he paid his cover charge. The Demons were ready for him it was a trap! His mind was taken over and he found himself chained to the notorious "Demonette Carousel"! Our beloved hero is definitely in trouble now. Has he struggled in a futile attempt to free himself from the Demon invention of doom, he was forced to drink TEA! Would this cruel torture never end? Could this be the end of our adored Laboratory Monster? (Please stand by while we consult the infinite wisdom of the oracle of truth, the wondrous Magic Eight Ball!. . . "Yes Definitely" Um . . . well that was no help at all. Ok, never mind. Back to the story already.)

After endless hours of torture and a slight case of vertigo, our Hero was trapped between two particular Demons of considerable strength and determination. One is the brutal Rock Demon and the other the wild-eyed Red Queen Demonette even more diabolical than the rock Demon! The Rock Demon put on armor that attracted all of the doomed souls around her so she could ensnare them with her unique "Personality". The Rock Demon looked at the battered LabMonster and clobbered him as hard as she could in his stomach. Fear not fellow citizens, she only inflicted a minor flesh wound on our hero and he survived the blow and would eventually recover. While our Hero took a moment to regain what was left of his composure, the Red Queen Demonette turned her mysterious gaze upon the Laboratory Monster and before our Hero could react she proceeded to tear all of the skin from the defenseless LabMonster's back. Our Hero howled in agony as she sank her claws in to his skin. Just when we thought that our Hero was surely doomed to the horrible fate that was sure to come the doomed soul whom the Laboratory Monster was to save came to his aid and spun the Demonette Carousel as fast as he could with all of the strength he had left.

Thankfully it was enough for to unhinge the Red Queen's claws from the LabMonster's back just in the nick of time. She wandered off to recover from the blow. The Laboratory Monster was gravely wounded from this encounter and took the opportunity to recover from his wounds by going to a small cave to drain some of the poison from his body. Light headed from the latest experience, our Hero was bewitched into the Demonette Carousel once again. Before the LabMonster could make a dash for the door, the Red Queen Demonette returned from her momentary laps. This time the doomed soul was ready for her and saved the LabMonster once again by spewing a strange bile with fury at the Demon (And all over the LabMonster's brothers cigarettes, his brother, and even a little on the LabMonster himself.) This event was just the opportunity the LabMonster was looking for to escape the Moon! He rushed across the raging seas in a small dingy boat and made it to the shores of the Island of Dogs.

Once at the Island of Dogs our Hero consumed large quantities of "Damn fine coffee!" and could no longer be bewitched by the Devilish ones or their "Tails and personalities" This was a close call for our Hero and he is now in the process of developing new ways of fighting the never ending battle between the notorious Demons and their plans to catch the Laboratory Monster. These plans include but are not limited to: being "Intense", (because he is late and has a lot of things on his mind (And no I am not like that all of the time. Thank you very much.) Or being quiet, oblivious, sleep deprived, or just an Idiot, (Pretty damn good at that to as you ALL should be able to figure out from this nonsense.) A small note on the text: The LabMonster had been forced to consume fairly large amounts of Tea that night and has mysteriously misplaced some of his memories of particular events and is deeply sorry for any distress this may have caused. He is pretty sure that a Green Bunny ran off with a small Teacup filled with the memories that our Hero is referring to. This Green Bunny is WANTED for crimes against the LabMonster and for collaborating with Demons. A reward will be given to anyone who has any information leading to the prosecution and conviction of the alleged "Green Bunny". (Folks, please keep in mind that this very well may be a figment of his deranged mind and to not spend the rest of your lives looking for Green Bunnies. That would just be silly. But you never really know do you? I'm just saying.)


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